A love note on Father's Day

I am currently on a flight back to London a after a week of being on holiday by myself, whilst Papa B cared for Esme alone. As a spiritual person, I find it it noticeably significant that I would return, today, on Father’s Day after Papa B spent the week being an incredible one. 

From birth, Papa B was on it. With ours being stressful and frantic, I remember the look on his face as I was hurried off for emergency surgery to drain 300ml of infected pus which had sent me into septic shock post delivery. Whilst of course, I saw fear and distress, I also saw a man who had it in the bag if the worst should happen. Yes he would struggle and grieve but past that I could see he would be a kick ass father. 

Thank God I’ve survived to say that he has been exactly that and to watch himself and Esme love and play is kin to watching a more loving Tom and Jerry.

Back and forth they go both knowing when to push and pull. Papa B a pisces like myself, is just soft enough to give into Esme’s scorpion demands and then just like that he lets her know who’s boss. I know I may sound like a broken record at this point but I began vlogging because I have no video footage of my Father. And boy, I loved my Daddy. The only constant grounding thing in my life, I admit post his death, I spun myself out of control, only really calming the haters once Papa B forced his way into my life. I’ve learnt to move like a jungle cat, point and shoot always at my hip because I never know what Esme and He will be doing or saying but you can bet that I as the mother will find it magical.

‘Thank you for choosing me to be Esme’s Father’ he once said. 

No Bode, Thank you.

In you I see elements of my own father, you are hardworking and strict enough to have Esme check herself without having to lift a finger but most importantly you are fun. I’m always on you saying that you both play rough far too much but to be honest it gives me nothing but joy (and slight anxiety) to watch you two play fight after a long day. 

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Whilst daily I struggle to see competent black fathers given the same day to day promotion as their white counterparts, it is my absolute privilege to celebrate you as a Father whenever I can. And for those that don’t know about that, may i enlighten you to the fact that black households for years have been subject to the idea that the majority are single parent household, held to gather by an over worked, underpaid, angry black woman. 

Our survey says ‘NOPE!’ 

Because even those black couples who have parted ways with children involved have found a way to co-parent that would perhaps knock the socks off those who are bored enough to pass judgement. it makes me proud to be in a a relationship that not only celebrates black love but also black fatherhood as both but especially the latter are always one attack away from seeming non existent. One thing I am sure of is that dead or alive, Esme thinks the world of you. Whilst I’m sure she loves me, she looks at you with a glint in her eye that is solely reserved for ‘Daddy’ and while sometimes i often get jealous that you're seen as the fun one, I promise to never come between you both and regardless of what happens to us, I will always remind her of who you are. And that is the best darnDaddy she could've asked for. 


Fret not my sweet, I’m almost home, Rum in hand ready to celebrate you. i won’t even be mad if there is a plate in the sink. 


Papa, we love you. 


C & E x