FIVE STEPS TO YOUR BEST YEAR YET
Right let’s not dilly dally, it’s the beginning of 2019 and I think we would all be lying if we said that the idea of ‘New Year, New Me’ didn’t get to us a little bit. I for one am down for anything that helps inspire positive changes. So whilst the general consensus seems to be that it’s now cool to have some fake hate for that saying, I’m still very much in love with it.
Without doubt 2018 for me was absolutely life changing. I had another kid, on my 30th birthday no less. I was finally able to flick that switch from constantly feeling ‘broke’ to confidently ending the year saying that I was a business woman. And all in all I kept attracting people and situations that would finally allow me to level up.
For anyone on the outside looking in, the speed with which my life seemed to change was nothing short of a miracle, peppered with some witchcraft. But for me, the leading lady, it felt as if that pivotal shift was long overdue. I have never hidden the fact that for so long I tried to be gainfully ( key word! ) self employed and feel as though I was able to eat whilst doing what I loved and for years, I struggled. Until last year. So many people have asked me to write or speak about how that happened. The Pillow Talk podcast is reserved for myself and Papa B to have some banter, the newsletter (sign up here )is just a little inbox love so of course the best place for all of this chatter to live was right here, on this much neglected but still very much loved blog. There are four key pillars to what help me turn my frown upside down last year and that’s what I’m going to get into below. So let’s get this shit popping.
I hate to do it too ya, I really do. Especially at this time of year when it feels like every app is trying to ram ‘positive thinking’ down your throat but to be honest babe, it is very important. Now not everyone is ready for that, so I feel no way about you logging off right now but for those of you who are really and truly tired of ending a year thinking that you need to cut some friends, you didn’t stick to a diet or didn’t meet certain financial goals then I hope you stick around.
2018 was going to be a monumental year for me whether I liked it or not. I was going to become a mother to a much wanted baby boy and I was going to turn thirty. Impending motherhood and such a big birthday were enough to really make me think about all that I wanted and I mean really and truly wanted and what had stood in my way of getting there. After I had written (and I mean physically put pen to paper - but more on this later) down all the things which had happened, things like not coming from much, not having gone to uni, Dad dying and all the other bullshit I had used as a reason to be angry at the world, I had to get real with myself. I was a starter and not a finisher. My ideas were always massive but the first sight of uphill struggle and I was out of there. Funny thing is no matter how small your idea at some point you will struggle. Who knew?! If I was really going to finally make some a great amount of money and not always be fearful about how I could provide for my kids, irrespective of their father, then I really had to commit to winning and understanding that I was the only one who could make this change.
Speaking of change, changing ones mindset is not an overnight oats type situ. Like anything you want to get good at, it is a day practice.
I threw myself head first into meditation, learning about crystals and you know all those books i basically mocked at the top of this post? I purchased all of them. My Audible was jam packed with titles such as ‘ You are a Badass at Making Money’, ‘The four Agreements’ and ‘Year of Yes’ every spare moment I had was dedicated to drowning myself in a sea of material that would remind me that mindset is everything. Of course I swayed. I am human. But that’s why it’s important that I use those tools everyday. It became so apparent when I hadn’t engaged with good practices that after an unnecessary argument Papa B would casually ask:
‘You haven’t mediated today have you?’
And annoyingly, he would be right.
Instead of watching youtube videos about hauls and make-up, I loaded up on videos about how those who have achieved the seemingly impossible have done so. I tapped into the lives of people I admired and made a physical note of how they kept their mindset in check when things didn’t seem to be going their way.
Because things won’t always go your way.
I think it’s also important to note that even though I really worked on my mindset, I don’t subscribe to the idea of ‘Good Vibes Only.’ All vibes exist for a reason and sometimes only trying to be locked into the atmosphere of Good Vibes Only means that you may be blinded to the bullshit which you may need to eradicate in order to turn your life around.
WRITE IT DOWN…WITH A PEN.
Before we go any further it’s important to make a plan. Now at this point, the plan could be missing some chapters and most definitely some characters but it’s important to have an idea of what you want to achieve actually written down on paper. The notes section on your app is brilliant for a day to day to do list but when it comes to listing how you’re going to go about changing your life, it ain’t gonna cut it. There is something very powerful about actually picking up a pen and writing something down on paper, one could say it’s even a lost art form but for now you’re going to have to blow the dust off the old Berol or BIC and get to scribbling. Now if the idea of actually taking the time out to write down how you’re going to change your life, bores or annoys you, I have to be honest, this blog post is not for you quite yet. But for those who are on board, let do this.
At the beginning of 2018 a friend of mine shared this booklet (it’s free!) and it was the biggest game changer for me. It took me HOURS to fill out and due to being pregnant, I didn’t actually sign the closing statement until a week before RJ was born. But giving myself permission to really get into the nooks and crannies in regards to what I wanted, how to go about getting it and why I had so many false starts was very revealing and immediately encouraged me to make some changes.
A little later on in 2018, I treated myself to a new diary. I didn’t care that it was the middle of the year, that little pocket sized Smythson Diary was my little trigger at remembering how abundant I expected my life to become. It was £60 and upon reflection that was a lot of money for me to spend on the diary at the time. But I was adamant it was going to pay off. I wrote little notes in it everyday and even purchased it in my favourite colour ‘Get Money Green’ I call it as a reminder that this year, I was going to turn my financial life around.
This year I’ve done exactly the same thing but this year I purchased the diary in Gold (as I plan to live my life like it’s Golden) and added a few more notebooks and diaries to the mix including this brilliant one by Kerry Lyons.
But to shake it up even more, I found an old chequebook and ripped out five blank cheques. On these cheques, I wrote who would pay me, why they would pay me and most importantly; when. I popped them in my purse and made sure to take them everywhere. Whilst this helped inspire a money making mindset this is more manifestation and a tool which many use. Those cheques are still in my purse and won’t be changed until what I’ve written becomes reality.
Now that I’m in the habit of writing everything down, I don’t know how I survived, let alone dared to thrive without doing so before. Taking a few hours, maybe even a few days to really write down what plans you have for yourself this year, will not be time wasted. I promise.
I despise going out and I despise the term ‘networking’ even more.
I’m a homebody who is all about creature comforts but how else would I connect with people who knowingly or unknowingly would help me smash some goals? Now that a plan was actually written down it became clear that I would need assistance in achieving certain things. Whether I liked it or not, certain opportunities weren’t just going to come and meet me at home. I had to be out.
Now speaking from experience, I do want to encourage you to think long and hard about where you go, why you’re going and how it could really benefit you.
I spent the first half of last year attending everything but the opening of an envelope because I wasn’t clear on what I wanted the foundation of my career to be built on.
Did I want to be an Insta IT girl or did I want to put my kids into private school? (the two aren’t synonymous )
I became tired very quickly and wondered how people went to everything. Couple this with the fact I now lived out of London, I was running at a loss financially. It wasn’t until I found a great management team that I realised I didn’t have to go to 3/4’s of the things I was invited too. Legit if its not going to further your career or you actually like the person or brand, sit your ass down. But be prepared to listen to your instinct too. I wouldn’t have management if I didn’t go to someones book launch (I actually like them) and got sat next to a woman who made her people, my people.
So like I said, you have to get out but that doesn’t mean you have to be everywhere all the time.
But you won’t realise your full potential on your own.
Being in a space where people are like-minded or better yet some way up ahead the road you want to travel than you are can be very beneficial, so get those glad rags to the dry cleaners.
Now this was a major key for me personally but from the jump I want to say that when I speak about investment I’m not just speaking about money.
Women especially have this incredible habit of putting more into the lives of everyone else and then leaving the left over for themselves. When it comes to the glow up, you really are going to have to understand that time and/or money spent on yourself is not a wasteful investment. Dependent upon what you’re tying to achieve, you may need to spend some dollar, dollar bill. This is incredibly hard to do when you feel as though you don’t have it.
But the hippie in me has to remind you that money is an abundant resource and you will be able to find a way to make what you don’t have. Like I previously mentioned at the time that Smythson Diary was an investment. But I wanted to own something I would be proud of and willing to whip out whenever I needed a reminder of what I was doing.
A poundland diary wasn’t going to cut it because that wouldn’t have been an investment for me.
I had to stretch myself a little in order to remember that I can have these kind of things whenever I want.
So here’s the thing, If you only have £1.50 to spend on a diary, don’t head to the bargain bin for the 75p one, stretch yourself, ball out and buy the best of what you can afford because you have to get into the habit of investing in yourself.
To be honest, I didn’t struggle to invest time because I love being alone.
I actually require at least five days away from the kids and Papa B per year. Its one of the only ways I can then function at 90% for the rest of that year.
But I know some women struggle with carving time out for themselves. That’s an issue because it’s only really in solitude that you can hear the clues towards success. With a world hell bent on talking to us all the time maybe its as simple as promising yourself that for one day a week, you wont log into social media or read any of the many notifications pushed to your phone. Perhaps you will use that time to mediate or work on a business plan. But whatever you plan to do with that time will be regarded as an investment.
Got to save the best and perhaps the hardest to tackle until last. I’m not the best at being consistent. Especially when I don’t like something. Chile if I’m not engaged or tricked into believing that I’m having the best time I don’t like to repeat something.
But I’m pretty sure walking sucked the first time I tired it.
My memory fails me but without doubt I can tell you that I fell, stumbled and hurt myself more often than not and yet, here I am walking.
I used that example to outline how the above four points may feel at times. You aren’t always going to win. I’ve stopped keeping track of the amount of times people turn me down or tell me no now and I just expect that to be a regular thing. Reason being because it helps train my MINDSET into understanding that even with ‘No!’ We still have to get up and go. If one day my mindset was weak and teary eyed, that didn’t mean I just stopped trying to think positively. It just meant I had to try harder the next day. If I came to find out that an event I spent my last couple of quid getting to turned out to be unfruitful that didn’t mean I just discarded the importance of GETTING OUT. But it did mean that I had to be more selective about where and how I decided to INVEST. Ok, LOL, I think I’m making my point. if the four points above are the pillars then consistency is the rock because we all know what happens to those that build their homes on sand.
And there we have it, admittedly the above is the condensed version but this is a blog post and not a book and I think I will be sat here forever and a day, if I then went into detail about how these pillars helped me metaphorically erect a new life.
It won’t be easy, nothing, even the things not worth having, ever are. But everything begins to change when you decide it’s time for it to do so. I solely applied these pillars to my career life last year and I am so blown away at the results thus far that I’m now finding a way to apply these practices to other areas of my life also so that 2019 allows me to keep that same energy and continue to shine both in public and private.